As Susan David, Ph.D., author of Emotional Agility says, вЂњOur raw feelings can be the messengers we need to teach us things about ourselves and can prompt insights into important life directions.вЂќ Her point is there is something more below the surface of our anger. By seeking to understand and accept his anger, rather than fix or suppress it, he began to improve his marriage by recognizing his anger as a signal that he needed to set healthy boundaries for what he would and would not do.ДaveвЂ™s story points out an important concept. Instead, he felt like his wife was placing impossible demands on him. As he worked on mindfulness and started noticing the space between his anger and his actions, he opened up the door into a profound realization. He didnвЂ™t like his reactions, but he felt he couldnвЂ™t help it.

When his wife would make a request of him, he would criticize her. ItвЂ™s easy to see a personвЂ™s anger but can be difficult to see the underlying feelings the anger is protecting.ДЇor example, Dave believed he had an anger problem. Similarly, when we are angry, there are usually other emotions hidden beneath the surface. Most of the iceberg is hidden below the surface of the water. Think of anger like an iceberg, a large piece of ice found floating in the open ocean. Our heart rate speeds up and a rush of hormones вЂ“ including adrenaline вЂ“ create a surge of energy strong enough to take вЂњvigorous action.вЂќ In this way, anger has been ingrained into our brain to protect us. In his book Emotional Intelligence, Goleman tells us that anger causes blood to flow to our hands, making it easier for us to strike an enemy or hold a weapon. Have you ever wondered why we get angry? According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, вЂњemotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us.вЂќ

Anger iceberg